Here I sit all broken hearted....

[bajalion]

Anyone serf while in the bathroom?

[cuda]

I have a large stack of boating magazines in both bathrooms.:)

[bajalion]

I didn't have anything to read at the Lair today so was desperate:o

[cuda]

I didn't have anything to read at the Lair today so was desperate:o

Two things I check for before I mount my throne: something to read, and toilet paper. Sometimes I'm somewhere other than my house, I'll read shampoo bottles or anything. :)

[THRILLSEEKER]

Two things I check for before I mount my throne: something to read, and toilet paper. Sometimes I'm somewhere other than my house, I'll read shampoo bottles or anything. :)

Ditto!

Lots O boating and gun magazines on one bathroom.

If Im in it for the long haul i.e. "the dreaded chipotle dump" I have a copy of Turning the Tide and Blue Thunder in the other bathroom, I still cant get interested enough in Blue Thunder to actually finish it.

[TEAMBAJA]

2007 Guinness Book of World Records!

[Ironmanwb]

My chitter is too small to surf in but I have had to read shampoo bottles in order to get a good pooo in.......



Is this going to be the chits and boats thread now?

[THRILLSEEKER]

You got way too much enjoyment out of that thread :D

My next house is going to have a bathroom that faces outside with a window in front of the ****ter so I can shoot geese out on the pond while I poo ;)

[bajalion]

Yes I always have to read something. Just last week I was looking for the paper and couldn't wait anylonger. Went in empty handed. Wendy slipped it under the door a few minutes later (I never asked ;) )

[THRILLSEEKER]

Pooping-education 10 minutes at a time. :D

[OutlawCowgirl]

OMG! Are you boys serious?

[bajalion]

Very. Your hubby doesn't? You better reaffirm.

Why do you think we call it the "library", "throne room", etc. Also if we can not read we tend to write.

[OutlawCowgirl]

Oh no, we have a ton of Chit Lit in our Bathroom. It just craks me up that you all talk about it.

[THRILLSEEKER]

never heard it called chit lit HEHEHEHE!

[bajalion]

farting, pooping, etc....us men are always pround of our bodily functions.

[Ironmanwb]

You got way too much enjoyment out of that thread :D

My next house is going to have a bathroom that faces outside with a window in front of the ****ter so I can shoot geese out on the pond while I poo ;)

You mean like my master bath I just built

[Aqua-Holic]

This thread is GREAT lol

[DonziGirl]

You mean like my master bath I just built

Sweet, Il be right over with the AR-10 to take a dump.:automobile1:



-Thrill

[Aqua-Holic]

OK.........who else just read that reply and thought it was Elizabeth?

[bajalion]

uuuugggghhhh yea ;)

[Ironmanwb]

I just stole this from OSO in UC section.....

2007 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is **** proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, pee stains and poop streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.

[THRILLSEEKER]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


on the way home yesterday somewhere in either Kentucky Tenn, or Ga. I saw a sign for Escapee Rd. I laughed out loud Donzi was naturally confused. I tried to explain to her what an escapee was. Maybe this will put things into perspective. :cool:

[TEAMBAJA]

It just craks me up that you all talk about it.

Just be glad he's that comfortable with us to talk about it. In person is no different!:)

[RebarBox]

"the dreaded chipotle dump"

Oh sh!t!!

This got me laughing..:D :D

[RebarBox]

2007 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work


This had me crying...:D :D :D :D :D

[Ironmanwb]

This had me crying...:D :D :D :D :D

Glad to here someone liked it.

[THRILLSEEKER]

I read a chapter of Blue Thunder today when I got home ;)

[buck183]

My laptop has good signal in there. I've chatted with my buddy Audiofn more times than I care to admit while working in my office.

Buck

[bajalion]

My laptop has good signal in there. I've chatted with my buddy Audiofn more times than I care to admit while working in my office.

Buck
That is a real answer to my original question! :popcorn:

[buck183]

That is a real answer to my original question! :popcorn:


Kinda what I thought.

[THRILLSEEKER]

you mean you honestly expected to get a series of serious responses from this crew??

:yawn:

[bajalion]

you mean you honestly expected to get a series of serious responses from this crew??

:yawn:
Never!!!!!:p I was actually in shock.

[buck183]

Never!!!!!:p I was actually in shock.

I'm a team player. I NEVER stray from a subject and always give quality info in my replies. I hate people that feel the need to reply to a thread just to throw a sarcastic comment in.

:Wall:

Buck

[bajalion]

This is a serious thread ...... NOT

[Ironmanwb]

Does your significant other talk to you through the door while you are on the throne?

I had a 10 minute conversation this morning and didn't get to read the paper....WTF. Sometimes I would like to have some of my own time.

[THRILLSEEKER]

Does your significant other talk to you through the door while you are on the throne?

I had a 10 minute conversation this morning and didn't get to read the paper....WTF. Sometimes I would like to have some of my own time.

door what door. :D I usually leave the door open to insure my privcy ;) once in a while the dog will stop in and say Hi tho.

[bajalion]

Does your significant other talk to you through the door while you are on the throne?

I had a 10 minute conversation this morning and didn't get to read the paper....WTF. Sometimes I would like to have some of my own time.

The fan is on so all she gets is "What?....What?"

[bajalion]

door what door. :D I usually leave the door open to insure my privcy ;) once in a while the dog will stop in and say Hi tho.


If nobody is home I'll leave the door craked so the cats can stop by

[Ironmanwb]

I don't like the fan on, its hard to keep your concentration. Now if there is something going on in another room then I will keep it on to drown out the noise. Plus I like to let the next person bath in the aroma.:devil:

I just put the door on last week....:Wall: after I had people peeking in at my weiner one night while drinking.........ITS MY WEINER AND I GET TO SAY WHO GETS TO LOOK AT IT........STOP STARING AT ME!!!!!

[THRILLSEEKER]

any of the rest of you have one of those rubber monsters that suction cup to the seat and lid??

[bajalion]

Is that why you have OJ stabbing his weiner

[THRILLSEEKER]

I just checked inventory

American Rifleman
Midway USA catalog
Combat Arms
old Harbor Freight flyer in bathroom A

Blue Thunder
Turning the Tide
RCBS catalog in bathroom B

I think its time for new material

[bajalion]

Common reading:

Tiger direct (cheap electronics)
Bunch of boating mags
Harbor Freight sale
Manuals of all sort
Newspaper

[Ironmanwb]

Check this out...

[Ironmanwb]

They call it the bumper dumper...